Aromantic Secrets


is it possible to be alloromantic yet romance-repulsed or is that not a thing

I’m pretty certain it’s a thing.. Since romance differs between people, it wouldn’t surprise me if many people who have had crushes/fallen in love/felt romantic attraction actually don’t like romance as it stands in mainstream western culture.

Just, like many things, such people are shamed or dismsised for it


Just wanted to do something to try get the concept of aesthetic attraction out there a bit more. It’s really just something to consider!

(Sorry for the crappy “slides” I don’t have a working PowerPoint program, but I thought that this would help get the point across better than a text post with a lot of writing that no one has time for)

I might have missed something, but that’s all I can think of on this subject at the moment. (Please inform me if there is any incorrect information! ;w; )

has the second most recent anon considered that they might be lithromantic/lithsexual? it might be worth a look cause their experience sounds pretty similar to many lith narratives

Thanks for your input, anon! :D


Someone asked for a teeny tiny linkspam on aromanticism, so here goes!  And by “here goes” I mean “I fell into a rabbit hole of links for like two and a half hours and emerged covered in mud and clutching this linkspam; I am so sorry; you probably did not care this much.”

Let’s start with the basics:

Let’s talk about (a)romantics by Intimacy Cartography

Aromanticism 101 by anagnori

An Aromantic Primer by The Thinking Asexual

anagnori on how to be a better ally to aromantic people

What’s being aromantic like?

Becoming Loveless by chekhovandowl

swankivy on how she figured out she was aromantic

anagnori comparing aromanticism to being in a musical

…And Then What? on The Asexuality Archive

Jo on Experiences of Loving

Aromantic people in relationships (or not!):

A comic about being an aromantic person with a girlfriend by chekhovandowl

I found the right person and I’m still aromantic by A Fine Line

Jo on being an aromantic in a partnered relationship

What I’ve Missed Out on Being Single by Asexuality Archive

swankivy on never being #1

I don’t understand dating, so I’m getting married by Sciatrix

Aromanticism in the larger context:

Why aromanticism matters for the entire asexual community by anagnori

This whole conversation on commitment (post links to the rest of the conversation) is really interesting

Alloromantics vs. aromantics: the great divide by me (here on The Asexual Agenda)

Why I no longer engage the “Are aces queer?” question by ace-muslim (here on The Asexual Agenda)

anagnori on internalizing anti-aromantic messages

Obligatory nudges toward wtfromanticism, greyromanticism, and demiromanticism, as there is a lot of overlap (one of the above pieces is written by a wtfromantic)

I told a friend of mine that I'm aromantic and soon afterwards she started saying that it's because I have trust issues as a way to invalidate my romantic orientation. *sigh* whatever can I do to get her to understand otherwise?

So sorry for delay!

ugh.. so sorry you have to go through that anon..but unfortunately some people have a difficult time understanding, particulalry if they have held that belief for so long..Just be headstrong in who you are and it may help if you simply say something along the lines of ‘I do not have trust issues’ I am capapble of trusting people and loving people unequivicially (if that applies to you) just not in the same way as you’ and simply leave it at that

If you think she’ll be willing and it’s worth the effort, there are alot of links that people have written on aromantic that your friend can read?

Of course, she is your friend and  I get how you want her to understand, but it may save you alot of heartache and blood pressure if you feel you do not have the energy to butt heads..

Hope that helps!

Aromantic Pride Button

I noticed that the aromantic pride buttons at mypridebuttons are based off the old flag design, so I made one using this flag. 

The code is <img src=””>

Thanks! :D

i'm not really sure what the deal with me is. i kinda want a relationship but as soon as things get slightly romantic/sexual i tend to back right out. am i just frigit? i get crushes but i mostly want to just laugh with them and be together, may think about lying in bed together, not sex, just like cuddling. not in to the idea of romance but reckon that awkward love is cute. get pretty uncomfortable with this stuff but am happy for friends. i'm just confused.

Some people don’t like certain acts of intimacy anon, and that’s ok!

Just remember that everybody experiences love and crushes differently. There are plenty of aromantics that don’t find romance in itself repulsive, and some may actually enjoy it, when it doesn’t involve them..

I dont’ think you have give me enough information as to whether you are aromantic, but it does seem as though you know what kind of relationship you want, which is a good thing!

I hope I helped a little, any followers want to contribute?

hello, i have a squish + crush on my aromantic asexual friend... how should i handle this?

Hmm.. well anon, I imagine your situation is, you have a crush on someone who does not reciprocate that  romantic attraction. I guess it would be helpful to consider your friend to be like anybody else you have a crush on who isn’t romantically interested in you

In some situations there are cases where aromantics are in romantic relationships or, rather, are willing to be in relationships which otherwise may appear to be romantic.. You may want to ask your friend if they are also interested. If they aren’t however, the best thing to do is to respect their wishes

So I guess what I would say is to take the time to figure out what you want given your knowledge. You would know your friend better then I would.. and if there is something you don’t know? Ask! One of the best things to do is to not make assumptions

Hope that helps!

If I was ever in a relationship romantically it would be unhealthy. I would probably only use the other person as a source of revenue. Which is why when people are interested I respond with "No, no, no and no." I kinda feel guilty about it.

I can understand why you would feel guilty, anon, but the good thing is, you know the relationship that you are not suited for, which is why I believe you responding with a ‘no’ is in the long run better off for everybody involved.

and, I imagine, unlike a lot of other people in this world, you are not intentionally seeking relationships for the sole purpose of using other people, monetary or otherwise.

Any of my followers have any advice? :)

I wish there was a more proper definition for wtfromantic because it doesn't feel like an official orientation. I have been struggling to contimplate if I am aro or lith but neither of them entirely fit me because I don't want to be in a romantic relationship but I am also 'attracted' to people but I can't tell if those are romantic attractions or platonic because I personally can't feel a differance between either

You are in the same position as many others, anon, who can’t seem to tell what exactly is ‘romantic’.. this uncertainty can cause alot of stress.. so I say instead of focusing on what you don’t know, focus on what you do know, which in your case, is that you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship (whatever that may mean for you)

The name may seem strange, but wtfromantic is as legitimate as any other orientation.. perhaps it is broad, but there are many people out there who really feel their romantic orientation is one big ?

Hope I helped! any followers want to chip in?

Would an aromantic person would be someone who has relationship but never really feel any romantic feelings. And can they enjoy romance but not for tgemselves. But in movies abd tv? Sorry if its a stupid question.

Not a stupid question anon!

I guess you would be right, anon, although people use the description of romantic attraction instead of romantic feelings

Whether or not aromantics enjoy romance is very variable. Some aromantics enjoy watching rom-coms and adore romantic fiction. Others (and, may I add, romantics too) don’t actually enjoy romance as a genre or the normal conventions associated with romance

hope that helps!

Hello! My friend recently discovered she is aromantic and I was hoping to educate myself on the topic so I can be as informed and supportive as possible. Could you please help me find some informative, credible (the key word really) sources to do some research. Especially sites that go further in depth about what is the spectrum of aromantic. Unfortunately, google seems to be failing me right now. Thank you so very much in advance.

and sorry! I forgot to add, could you also send me a few links that don’t focus on asexual aromantic because that seems to be the most common and my friend isn’t asexual, but rather heterosexual! Thank you again (same person from before! hahaha ^u^!)

I say that the best places for information on aromantism is on some blogs.. - For sexual aromantics - There is a aromantic link section here..

Anagnori also has some great advice for aromantics.

Hope that helps! :)

Is there any place that aros can meet up, perhaps so they can have a merely sexual relationship rather than romance without the fear of hurting any feelings when that's all they want. I know there's an asexual meet up but that's for people looking for romance and no sex or just friends

There aren’t any specific places that I know of at the top of my head, anon, but I’m certain that they exist somewhere

Do any of my followers know of such aromantics looking specifically for a sexual relationship?

Hello there! I'm considering identifying myself as aromantic, but I haven't had much experience in relationships to really know. It's not that I can't find someone to date, it's just that I find platonic relationships more satisfying than romantic ones. I'm still attracted to people, but from my experience with relationships, once we start doing the hand holding and kissing I just get bored and the interest fades. What do you think?

Hmmm.. Well whether or not you are aromantic I guess depends on what you mean when you say you are still attracted to people?

Regardless, it seems to me that you don’t enjoy hand holding or kissing, perhaps that may be why you end up finding platonic relationships more satisfying? Just remember that provided everyone is on the same page you are free to date your way and do the things that make you happy. Bearing that in mind, see whether that makes a difference to the type of relationships you form and the ones you want

Hope that helps!

Hi there, I'm pretty convinced that I'm aromantic, I seem to share a lot of the same feelings as people whose posts I've read, but I have this huge doubt that I'm just, for lack of a better term, damaged. My parents went through a messy divorce when I was very young and it left me with an incredibly pessimistic view of relationships, to the point that I won't attend weddings if I don't have to because I can't bring myself to feel happy for the couple.

Anon, I am very sorry that you had to experience such a messy divorce between your parents when you were younger.

Perhaps your view of relationships (be they romantic or otherwise) is pessimistic, however I think it’s difficult to say whether that would have influenced your ability to experience romantic attraction

At the end of the day, the only person that can change your view is you. With that in mind, I think it’s important to remember that your parents are only one example of a romantic relationship and a seemingly poor example of one at that, and so whilst you obviously can’t force yourself to feel happy, it shouldn’t be assumed that any other couple will end up the same way

Any followers have any helpful advice? :)