Aromantic Secrets
I'm really confused? I really like flirting, but when ever the thought of having a relationship with someone comes up, I reject it completely. Like I get crushes, but in the event of that crush asking me out, I would lose all interest and tell them no. I just really hate the idea of relationships. What does that make me? (I'm also feeling this way sexually kinda aswell)

Hmm.. We’ll it sounds to me like you may be lithromantic. This is a term used by people who experience romantic attraction, but don’t want it to be reciprocated (in many cases, the feelings then disappear)

Of course, you may simply like flirting, and not engaging or maintaining a romantic a romantic relationship. And as long as nobody is being hurt, there’s nothing wrong with that :)

Inever really been able to picture myself in a romantic relationship very well, I know I don't want kids or to be married (never really have), and any crush I (may) have had I had been unable to imagine myself with them romantically and liked imagining being friends with them mostly. I don't want to pursue a romantic relationship most of the time, but maybe I wouldn't mind and it sounds possibly fun but mostly the fwb/qp concept seems best so idk what that is? something under grey romantic?

Actually anon, people of any orientation can have a QP! But in your case, if you are uncertain of what your romantic orientation is, well, many people use the term WTFromantic (although of course, if you feel grey suits you better than by all means use that term instead).

It also sounds to me that those past crushes you describe? Sound very much that what people describe as ‘squishes’ - People often use this when they have strong nonromantic feelings for someone, the desire to be best friends with them, instead

Hope that helps!

To the anon worried about a prom date: I'm a senior and this is my first time going to prom because I thought a lot like you. It never appealed to me at all because all of my friends had dates, which made me rather uncomfortable. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want someone like that. A friend asked me this year to go as "dates" in a platonic not-really-date type of way. There's no drama, and I'm going with someone I'm comfortable with. It's ideal for someone whose unsure about dating.

Thanks anon ! :)

so high school prom season is around. im still only a sophmore so im not going this year. however im pretty bummed out..i am afraid i am never going to date anyone and wont have a prom date when i do go to prom. idk its kinda bc sadly i dont rly attract that type of attention but i also dont want that attention. like i want a relationship but not the drama needed to get one. i also cant think of anyone i like enough to date. i also dont know my orientation, could I be aromantic?

it could be possible that you are aromantic anon, but there’s only so much I can tell from what you have said

People have different perceptions as to what romantic attraction is, so if, in your instance, romantic attraction is tied to the desire to date someone (whatever dating is to you), then possibly like I said before you may be aromantic. but that may only apply to you since dating isn’t romantic for everyone, does that make sense?

Regardless, My advice is to try and not feel to down if you don’t have a date for a prom. Just have an enjoyable time with good food and good friends!

i think its a real shame that there is so much pressure on people to value their self-worth on their romantic relationships. it’s really destructive, so like I said before, do not stress too much over it

Hope I helped!


I made a Powerpoint!
Feel free to add any info that I left out that you think is important~

I always feel bad when I have squishes on people who have romantic significant others. because my squishes tend to get very intense and i just wanna hang out and get super close to that person. but if they have a romantic partner, how do i ensure that i'm not overstepping a boundary? and how do i ensure that the people around us 100% understand that it's completely platonic? i always worry people will think i'm a home wrecker since i'm always single and i get so close to people...

Anon, Communication is key :)

If you want their partner to know and understand that it’s 100% platonic, I would say that maybe you could set them aside for a while and make it clear that you do not wish to cross any boundaries that they have (whatever those may be, relationships are very varied and diverse) and discuss all your needs, and what is and what is not acceptable

Also, you have nothing to feel guilty  about. It is very clear to me that you do not desire to hurt or decieve anyone, so I don’t see you having done anything wrong.

I think it’s also important to remember (as difficult as this is) is that your relationship/s, is really only the business of you and the other people involved in said relationships. So all those other people that may think you’re a homewreaker? Well, to be frank, it’s none of their damned business

Hope that helps! :)

aw man i saw you answering questions so i need help; i believe i'm aro, but i f*ck around a lot, but ALSO i feel like real strong platonic feelings for my friends but ALSO sexual partners. So....what's going on? If there's people i feel both sexual and platonic attraction to...would that mean that i'm romantic? uuuugh i just can't find any difference between the two situations

Anon, aromantic describes people who do not experience romantic attraction, so that can apply to people who do engage in a lot of sex, as well as though that a strong plantoic attraction to.

I suppose the question you are trying to ask is.. Is romantic attraction the combination of both a sexual and platonic feeling/attraction? Well, perhaps to some it may, but it doesn’t nesseccerily have to be the case. In any case, if you believe the feelings are platonic in nature (as well as sexual), unless you believe that there is a romantic attraction, it is still possible that you are aromantic

Hope that helps!


ponte-vanima replied to your post “things that suck: days where you more acutely than usual feel the…”

what does “amatonormative” mean?

in terms of simple definitions, it’s basically just the attitude society has that romantic relationships are more important/valuable/real than other types of relationships (especially those that aren’t close family). that’s putting it simply, heh; it spirals out quite rapidly into something of a smog laying over a lot of different interpersonal, media, structural/institutional, etc. dynamics in a ton of subtle forms that would require a good long essay to cover. it’s also something that helps comprise or is leveraged by other types of normative and/or oppressive dynamics (like heterosexism) to enforce said oppression.

for a shortlist of examples of what kinds of things people are referring to:

- stating/insinuating/acting according to the notion that having a romantic partner or being romantically desirable is (globally) an important goal and lacking in either is a defect or problem that should be changed

- the trope/belief that not being interested in romantic relationships makes you immature, unemotional/cold, less human, etc. (pick one or more)

- the presumption that one’s friends are less important, shallower relationships, etc. compared to one’s romantic partner; relatedly, that if two people could have a romantic relationship, that is the more desired or assumed state of affairs than them not doing so

- language like “in a relationship” meaning “in a romantic relationship”, “liking someone (like liking someone)” meaning “being romantically interested in them”, etc.

- legal institutions that tie various benefits and privileges and general life-smoothing procedures for people who have close relationships with each other, to societal institutions strongly associated with romantic relationships

I know I am asexual but I am not sure whether I am heteroromantic or aromantic. I have always had crushes, which are somewhere in between romantic and platonic, on males, but I don’t think I would ever actually want to be in a romantic relationship at all. In fact, I think if I had the opportunity to be in a relationship with my current crush, the attraction would disappear. Does this make me aromantic?

If you have had crushes in the past which are between romantic and platnoic, then perhaps you are gray-romantic?

Strange as it may first sound, being aromantic isn’t really determined by whether you like or want to be in a romantic/romantic coded relationship.

oh god im super confused ok so i have like small crushes like once every couple years or so and i know that i'm definitely sexual but i just never get that romantically into people, like i can't really see myself dating anyone and maybe i just haven't found anyone worth dating yet or what but relationships have always been my last priority and in romantic situations i'm really detatched. what does that even mean???

It is possible that you are aromantic, anon, or your ability to experience romantic attraction is very low

Regardless you don’t appear to like romance as it stands in our culture, and are also very distant and detached when it comes to romantic relationships, and whatever your romantic orientation is, that’s ok! If you don’t imagine yourself in a dating situation, that’s ok! If you do not like the usual bells and whistles that come with dating, then build the relationships that make you happy, and that includes the possibleilaity you realise that you are happy often being on your own

Hi! I'm ace and I just got a boyfriend who is pansexual and he really wants to show a lot of affection for me, but the thing is I really HATE affection. Unless I specifically ask for it, I hate hugs, arms around me, kisses, even standing too close to me. Does this mean I am aromantic? Is there any way I can tell him politely that I do have feelings for him, but I don't want affection? I tried to tell him and he thought I friendzoned him. I don't know what to do should I just break up with him?


Even though displays of affections like kisses and hugs often are seen as romantic, they are not exclusively romantic and liking/disliking them do not affect whether someone is or is not aromantic. It’s all about a lack of romantic attraction, or the desire to be in a romantic relationship. How you identify is up to you and your feelings.

But if you’ve already talked to your boyfriend and he didn’t understand, I’m not sure if there’s much more you could do. You said that you only want affection when you ask for it, so have you told your boyfriend that you want to be the one to initiate any affectionate contact? Wanting a bit of control of the situation is natural and he should be able respect that and go at your pace. If he can’t do that, you deserve to find someone who can.

Is the aro-spectrum flag decided or are we still, like, divided? Does everyone have the same flag? I just find it really confusing...


We do not all have an agreed upon flag. The first and sometimes most comon flag is this one created by

I explain some of the issues with that flag in this post.

here are two flags that have been suggested by people in the flag discussion on aroplane, the aromantic forum:

My favorite flag is the one I use in my sidebar and icon. It was suggested by a tumblr user (I can’t remember the url I’m sorry) and I find it to be the most inclusive and generally the one I like best.

(note that the flags aren’t meant to normally have words on them, I did that just to show what the stripes are meant to represent)

Bless you and bless your blog you are amazing. (P.S. Is your icon the official (or at least recognized as such) Aro Flag?)

Thanks! and since this was similar to a previous ask. The answer is yes!

What's your icon?
I lost a lot a friends because they wouldn't accept/listen to when I tried to tell them I was aromantic. Most of them had other issues with me already (like how we didn't really like anything similar), but how can I prevent that in the future?

I am really sorry to hear that anon. Unfortunately, this is probably not an easy question to answer, because people can be very unpredictable, and even those who at first glance are generally accepting for most issues end up being ignorant to worst case, malicious when it comes to issues like asexuality and aromantism.

I suppose it would help if you met more people that had already come across the concept of being aromantic already? There are a few aromantic blogs on tumblr, for starters

At the end of the day, though, trying to infleunce what other people think and believe often doesn’t work. The main thing to remember, however, that it is ok to be you! Not that it is easy loosing friends by any stretch of the imagination, but if they are that unaccepting of your identity and feelings, then in the long run you are better off no longer having them in your life

Any followers have any advice?