Aromantic Secrets
Kind of a long question! Sorry!

I’ve been pondering this whole aromantic ~label~ for a while. I’m 20 and have never been in a relationship. I thought I wanted one, but the more people I meet, the less it appeals to me. When I start talking to a person I think I may be interested in, I frankly get bored. I don’t know how to explain to people what I’m feeling without using the term “aromantic,” and I’m not entirely sure if that’s quite the right term because I have felt romantic attraction before, but it’s incredibly brief. I’ve resorted to essentially putting people off and generally ignoring them until they go away, which I’m sure isn’t the best plan of action. Their romantic advances are just EXTREMELY irritating because I don’t understand them. I’m sure it’s hard for them to understand aromanticism, especially when I’m just in the discovery phase.

How do I even go about warding off these potential suitors? I feel like any way I put it will sound confusing or like a challenge to “win my heart.”

Unfortunately, there will always be those who take your rebuffs as a challenge no matter what you end up saying or doing. You don’t need to use the term aromantic if you wish, but sometimes you do simply just need to be direct and say you don’t you have any romantic feelings towards them, and you see that changing. You shouldn’t have to give any further explanation than that (and if they are respectful of your feelings, they won’t pry any further)

any followers have any useful advice?

i really don't feel any kind of attraction, sexual or romantic. i had a boyfriend but i was like that with him and ours was a long distance relationship and therefore no actual physical contact and i didn't mind it at all. even when he talked about sex and urges i wasn't interested and had to force myself to the way he wanted. i really don't fantasy being with someone for long or when i have any kind of attraction i don't really expect or want them to return those feelings. so am i aromantic?
Anonymous
i just send that question. i also wanted to tell that i rather fancies friendships than love interest. if i find someone interesting i’ll want them as friends and not lovers.
 From what you have written, anon, it is definitely possible that you are aromantic, particularly if you say you haven’t’ felt romantic attraction
Help?

Hi. I’m going to put this here, because I doubt it’s going to fit into an ask. I’ve been thinking recently about whether or not I’m aromantic. I know I’m asexual, and sex repulsed due to sexual abuse in the past. But I don’t know if I’m aromantic or not. The idea of romance and marriage and all of that is really appealing for me, but I think it might be more because of just the closeness. I’ve been bullied a lot and never had friends, so I crave that companionship. I don’t know if I’m longing for a romantic partner or just a friend or whatever. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced real romantic attraction, but like I said, I haven’t had many friends or anything so it’s not like I’ve had a ton of opportunities to see if I do feel that type of attraction. I’m just worried about what this could mean for the future. I know there are queerplatonic relationships, but how on earth are you supposed to meet somebody that’s willing to be in that sort of relationship? Most people are romantic, I think it would be hard to find somebody that would be willing to just be the more-than-friends-but-not-romantic thing. And what about marriage, or kids? And what do you tell other people? 

Apologies for lateness!

To be sure, alot of people have the same confusion as you (and I’m sure many more would have as well, if not for the fact that society has a having of saying important relationship = obvs romantic relationship)..Sometimes I think the best way to to have relationships is to let the bonds form and grow of their own accord

that is, if you don’t know what the future holds, that’s ok! Often that’s how people enter relationships, with them saying “Hey, I’d like it to be understood that I can’t make any guarantees or promises for the future, but if you’re happy and I’m happy, let’s just see where it goes?” -

To be sure, this does get complicated should marriage and kids enter the equation.. to answer that, well, I think the best place to start is to see what your own personal desires are on that..

I’m positive that there are plenty of tumblr blogs which were made for people looking for queerplatonic partnerships too, if that’s what you’re after

any followers wish to chip in?

geometny:

is it possible to be alloromantic yet romance-repulsed or is that not a thing

I’m pretty certain it’s a thing.. Since romance differs between people, it wouldn’t surprise me if many people who have had crushes/fallen in love/felt romantic attraction actually don’t like romance as it stands in mainstream western culture.

Just, like many things, such people are shamed or dismsised for it

witheredlilli:

Just wanted to do something to try get the concept of aesthetic attraction out there a bit more. It’s really just something to consider!

(Sorry for the crappy “slides” I don’t have a working PowerPoint program, but I thought that this would help get the point across better than a text post with a lot of writing that no one has time for)

I might have missed something, but that’s all I can think of on this subject at the moment. (Please inform me if there is any incorrect information! ;w; )

has the second most recent anon considered that they might be lithromantic/lithsexual? it might be worth a look cause their experience sounds pretty similar to many lith narratives
Anonymous

Thanks for your input, anon! :D

queenieofaces:

Someone asked for a teeny tiny linkspam on aromanticism, so here goes!  And by “here goes” I mean “I fell into a rabbit hole of links for like two and a half hours and emerged covered in mud and clutching this linkspam; I am so sorry; you probably did not care this much.”

Let’s start with the basics:

Let’s talk about (a)romantics by Intimacy Cartography

Aromanticism 101 by anagnori

An Aromantic Primer by The Thinking Asexual

anagnori on how to be a better ally to aromantic people

What’s being aromantic like?

Becoming Loveless by chekhovandowl

swankivy on how she figured out she was aromantic

anagnori comparing aromanticism to being in a musical

…And Then What? on The Asexuality Archive

Jo on Experiences of Loving

Aromantic people in relationships (or not!):

A comic about being an aromantic person with a girlfriend by chekhovandowl

I found the right person and I’m still aromantic by A Fine Line

Jo on being an aromantic in a partnered relationship

What I’ve Missed Out on Being Single by Asexuality Archive

swankivy on never being #1

I don’t understand dating, so I’m getting married by Sciatrix

Aromanticism in the larger context:

Why aromanticism matters for the entire asexual community by anagnori

This whole conversation on commitment (post links to the rest of the conversation) is really interesting

Alloromantics vs. aromantics: the great divide by me (here on The Asexual Agenda)

Why I no longer engage the “Are aces queer?” question by ace-muslim (here on The Asexual Agenda)

anagnori on internalizing anti-aromantic messages

Obligatory nudges toward wtfromanticism, greyromanticism, and demiromanticism, as there is a lot of overlap (one of the above pieces is written by a wtfromantic)

I told a friend of mine that I'm aromantic and soon afterwards she started saying that it's because I have trust issues as a way to invalidate my romantic orientation. *sigh* whatever can I do to get her to understand otherwise?
Anonymous

So sorry for delay!

ugh.. so sorry you have to go through that anon..but unfortunately some people have a difficult time understanding, particulalry if they have held that belief for so long..Just be headstrong in who you are and it may help if you simply say something along the lines of ‘I do not have trust issues’ I am capapble of trusting people and loving people unequivicially (if that applies to you) just not in the same way as you’ and simply leave it at that

If you think she’ll be willing and it’s worth the effort, there are alot of links that people have written on aromantic that your friend can read?

Of course, she is your friend and  I get how you want her to understand, but it may save you alot of heartache and blood pressure if you feel you do not have the energy to butt heads..

Hope that helps!

Aromantic Pride Button

I noticed that the aromantic pride buttons at mypridebuttons are based off the old flag design, so I made one using this flag. 

The code is <img src=”http://s27.postimg.org/k6ee3m1n3/Aro_Pride_Button.png”>

Thanks! :D

i'm not really sure what the deal with me is. i kinda want a relationship but as soon as things get slightly romantic/sexual i tend to back right out. am i just frigit? i get crushes but i mostly want to just laugh with them and be together, may think about lying in bed together, not sex, just like cuddling. not in to the idea of romance but reckon that awkward love is cute. get pretty uncomfortable with this stuff but am happy for friends. i'm just confused.
Anonymous

Some people don’t like certain acts of intimacy anon, and that’s ok!

Just remember that everybody experiences love and crushes differently. There are plenty of aromantics that don’t find romance in itself repulsive, and some may actually enjoy it, when it doesn’t involve them..

I dont’ think you have give me enough information as to whether you are aromantic, but it does seem as though you know what kind of relationship you want, which is a good thing!

I hope I helped a little, any followers want to contribute?

hello, i have a squish + crush on my aromantic asexual friend... how should i handle this?
Anonymous

Hmm.. well anon, I imagine your situation is, you have a crush on someone who does not reciprocate that  romantic attraction. I guess it would be helpful to consider your friend to be like anybody else you have a crush on who isn’t romantically interested in you

In some situations there are cases where aromantics are in romantic relationships or, rather, are willing to be in relationships which otherwise may appear to be romantic.. You may want to ask your friend if they are also interested. If they aren’t however, the best thing to do is to respect their wishes

So I guess what I would say is to take the time to figure out what you want given your knowledge. You would know your friend better then I would.. and if there is something you don’t know? Ask! One of the best things to do is to not make assumptions

Hope that helps!

If I was ever in a relationship romantically it would be unhealthy. I would probably only use the other person as a source of revenue. Which is why when people are interested I respond with "No, no, no and no." I kinda feel guilty about it.
Anonymous

I can understand why you would feel guilty, anon, but the good thing is, you know the relationship that you are not suited for, which is why I believe you responding with a ‘no’ is in the long run better off for everybody involved.

and, I imagine, unlike a lot of other people in this world, you are not intentionally seeking relationships for the sole purpose of using other people, monetary or otherwise.

Any of my followers have any advice? :)

I wish there was a more proper definition for wtfromantic because it doesn't feel like an official orientation. I have been struggling to contimplate if I am aro or lith but neither of them entirely fit me because I don't want to be in a romantic relationship but I am also 'attracted' to people but I can't tell if those are romantic attractions or platonic because I personally can't feel a differance between either
Anonymous

You are in the same position as many others, anon, who can’t seem to tell what exactly is ‘romantic’.. this uncertainty can cause alot of stress.. so I say instead of focusing on what you don’t know, focus on what you do know, which in your case, is that you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship (whatever that may mean for you)

The name may seem strange, but wtfromantic is as legitimate as any other orientation.. perhaps it is broad, but there are many people out there who really feel their romantic orientation is one big ?

Hope I helped! any followers want to chip in?

Would an aromantic person would be someone who has relationship but never really feel any romantic feelings. And can they enjoy romance but not for tgemselves. But in movies abd tv? Sorry if its a stupid question.
Anonymous

Not a stupid question anon!

I guess you would be right, anon, although people use the description of romantic attraction instead of romantic feelings

Whether or not aromantics enjoy romance is very variable. Some aromantics enjoy watching rom-coms and adore romantic fiction. Others (and, may I add, romantics too) don’t actually enjoy romance as a genre or the normal conventions associated with romance

hope that helps!

Hello! My friend recently discovered she is aromantic and I was hoping to educate myself on the topic so I can be as informed and supportive as possible. Could you please help me find some informative, credible (the key word really) sources to do some research. Especially sites that go further in depth about what is the spectrum of aromantic. Unfortunately, google seems to be failing me right now. Thank you so very much in advance.

and sorry! I forgot to add, could you also send me a few links that don’t focus on asexual aromantic because that seems to be the most common and my friend isn’t asexual, but rather heterosexual! Thank you again (same person from before! hahaha ^u^!)

I say that the best places for information on aromantism is on some blogs..

http://sexyaros.tumblr.com/ - For sexual aromantics

http://qpadvice.tumblr.com/

http://aromanticaardvark.tumblr.com/FAQ

http://house-of-ace.tumblr.com/links#art - There is a aromantic link section here..

Anagnori also has some great advice for aromantics.

Hope that helps! :)