Aromantic Secrets
hello, i have a squish + crush on my aromantic asexual friend... how should i handle this?
Anonymous

Hmm.. well anon, I imagine your situation is, you have a crush on someone who does not reciprocate that  romantic attraction. I guess it would be helpful to consider your friend to be like anybody else you have a crush on who isn’t romantically interested in you

In some situations there are cases where aromantics are in romantic relationships or, rather, are willing to be in relationships which otherwise may appear to be romantic.. You may want to ask your friend if they are also interested. If they aren’t however, the best thing to do is to respect their wishes

So I guess what I would say is to take the time to figure out what you want given your knowledge. You would know your friend better then I would.. and if there is something you don’t know? Ask! One of the best things to do is to not make assumptions

Hope that helps!

If I was ever in a relationship romantically it would be unhealthy. I would probably only use the other person as a source of revenue. Which is why when people are interested I respond with "No, no, no and no." I kinda feel guilty about it.
Anonymous

I can understand why you would feel guilty, anon, but the good thing is, you know the relationship that you are not suited for, which is why I believe you responding with a ‘no’ is in the long run better off for everybody involved.

and, I imagine, unlike a lot of other people in this world, you are not intentionally seeking relationships for the sole purpose of using other people, monetary or otherwise.

Any of my followers have any advice? :)

I wish there was a more proper definition for wtfromantic because it doesn't feel like an official orientation. I have been struggling to contimplate if I am aro or lith but neither of them entirely fit me because I don't want to be in a romantic relationship but I am also 'attracted' to people but I can't tell if those are romantic attractions or platonic because I personally can't feel a differance between either
Anonymous

You are in the same position as many others, anon, who can’t seem to tell what exactly is ‘romantic’.. this uncertainty can cause alot of stress.. so I say instead of focusing on what you don’t know, focus on what you do know, which in your case, is that you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship (whatever that may mean for you)

The name may seem strange, but wtfromantic is as legitimate as any other orientation.. perhaps it is broad, but there are many people out there who really feel their romantic orientation is one big ?

Hope I helped! any followers want to chip in?

Would an aromantic person would be someone who has relationship but never really feel any romantic feelings. And can they enjoy romance but not for tgemselves. But in movies abd tv? Sorry if its a stupid question.
Anonymous

Not a stupid question anon!

I guess you would be right, anon, although people use the description of romantic attraction instead of romantic feelings

Whether or not aromantics enjoy romance is very variable. Some aromantics enjoy watching rom-coms and adore romantic fiction. Others (and, may I add, romantics too) don’t actually enjoy romance as a genre or the normal conventions associated with romance

hope that helps!

Hello! My friend recently discovered she is aromantic and I was hoping to educate myself on the topic so I can be as informed and supportive as possible. Could you please help me find some informative, credible (the key word really) sources to do some research. Especially sites that go further in depth about what is the spectrum of aromantic. Unfortunately, google seems to be failing me right now. Thank you so very much in advance.

and sorry! I forgot to add, could you also send me a few links that don’t focus on asexual aromantic because that seems to be the most common and my friend isn’t asexual, but rather heterosexual! Thank you again (same person from before! hahaha ^u^!)

I say that the best places for information on aromantism is on some blogs..

http://sexyaros.tumblr.com/ - For sexual aromantics

http://qpadvice.tumblr.com/

http://aromanticaardvark.tumblr.com/FAQ

http://house-of-ace.tumblr.com/links#art - There is a aromantic link section here..

Anagnori also has some great advice for aromantics.

Hope that helps! :)

Is there any place that aros can meet up, perhaps so they can have a merely sexual relationship rather than romance without the fear of hurting any feelings when that's all they want. I know there's an asexual meet up but that's for people looking for romance and no sex or just friends
Anonymous

There aren’t any specific places that I know of at the top of my head, anon, but I’m certain that they exist somewhere

Do any of my followers know of such aromantics looking specifically for a sexual relationship?

Hello there! I'm considering identifying myself as aromantic, but I haven't had much experience in relationships to really know. It's not that I can't find someone to date, it's just that I find platonic relationships more satisfying than romantic ones. I'm still attracted to people, but from my experience with relationships, once we start doing the hand holding and kissing I just get bored and the interest fades. What do you think?
Anonymous

Hmmm.. Well whether or not you are aromantic I guess depends on what you mean when you say you are still attracted to people?

Regardless, it seems to me that you don’t enjoy hand holding or kissing, perhaps that may be why you end up finding platonic relationships more satisfying? Just remember that provided everyone is on the same page you are free to date your way and do the things that make you happy. Bearing that in mind, see whether that makes a difference to the type of relationships you form and the ones you want

Hope that helps!

Hi there, I'm pretty convinced that I'm aromantic, I seem to share a lot of the same feelings as people whose posts I've read, but I have this huge doubt that I'm just, for lack of a better term, damaged. My parents went through a messy divorce when I was very young and it left me with an incredibly pessimistic view of relationships, to the point that I won't attend weddings if I don't have to because I can't bring myself to feel happy for the couple.
Anonymous

Anon, I am very sorry that you had to experience such a messy divorce between your parents when you were younger.

Perhaps your view of relationships (be they romantic or otherwise) is pessimistic, however I think it’s difficult to say whether that would have influenced your ability to experience romantic attraction

At the end of the day, the only person that can change your view is you. With that in mind, I think it’s important to remember that your parents are only one example of a romantic relationship and a seemingly poor example of one at that, and so whilst you obviously can’t force yourself to feel happy, it shouldn’t be assumed that any other couple will end up the same way

Any followers have any helpful advice? :)

Hello there! I'm confused on the difference between grey-asexual and demisexual can you help?
Anonymous

I think this link   will be of use anon :) as this

Another Link!

(From Links)

Asexuality and sexuality are not black and white; some people identify in the gray (spelled “grey" in some countries) area between them. People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to those who:

  • do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
  • experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
  • experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
  • people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

Similarly, some people who might technically belong to the gray area choose to identify as asexual because it is easier to explain. For example, if someone has experienced sexual attraction on one or two brief, fleeting occasions in their life, they might prefer to call themselves asexual because it is not worth the bother of having to explain these one or two occasions to everyone who asks about their orientation.

What is grey-asexuality?
Grey-asexuality is a part of the sexuality spectrum that is close to asexuality. Grey-as may not want to identify as asexual or sexual for various reasons. A grey-a may experience sexual attraction under limited circumstances or to a lesser degree than sexual people.

What is a demisexual?

A demisexual is a person who only experiences sexual attraction after an emotional bond has been formed. This bond does not have to be romantic in nature.

What is the difference between a grey-a and a demisexual?
A demisexual is a type of grey-a. Just like all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares, you can say that all demisexuals fall under the gray-a umbrella, but not all grey-as are demisexual.

I identify pretty solidly as aromantic, except on rare occasions I have dreams in which it feels like I experience intense romantic feelings. Once it was to one of my friends (interacting with them the next day was highly awkward for me) and another time I was a fictional character in love with another fictional character. Is this consistent with aromanticism, or do these indicate that I might not be completely aro?
Anonymous

Dreams, anon, are not reality and so do not automatically give an indication of your orientation, or (in my opinion) anything else, for that matter

There are many heterosexual people, I imagine, that have had dreams where it seems they are sexually attracted to someone of the same gender. It doesn’t make them any less hetersexual.

Hope I helped! :)

I have recently realized that after interactions with people of the sex I consider opposite of mine, I get extremely uncomfortable and I find myself locking up and feeling sick and embarrassed like I never want to see them again. It causes me a great deal of stress and anxiety. I was wondering if this might be a subsection of being an aromantic or an asexual?
Anonymous

Anon, I think a good general rule of thumb is this: the only thing that aromantics share is as identity as someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction. Anything else? best assume that some romantics may also feel the same way..so although many asxuals and aromantics may have experienced the same anxiety and stress as you, I imagine there are many other sexuals and romantics too that have gone through the same thing..

 I guess it also depends on what you mean when you say ‘interactions with people’? If that was a euphemism for sex, that sound alot like sex repulsion, for example

Hope that helped somewhat!

I've been with my partner for almost 8 months now and recently he's been complaining about me being scared to be affectionate. I really like the idea of being both sexual and romantic but once it comes the time to actually do things I get scared and I back away and sometimes insult him. I always feel terrible. Does this relate to my inability to masturbate? Is it psychological (ive been diagnosed with several types of anxiety) or is this something wrong with me?
Anonymous

Anon, I don’t think the right question to ask is ‘is there something wrong with me’

I can understand why you would feel terrible, but your feelings are important, and, though you shouldn’t insult your boyfriend, I imagine that being sexual and romantic with your boyfriend would make you feel just as terrible, if not worse. Remember that it is your body and your boyfriend shouldn’t have any say in what you choose to do with it 

I don’t think there would be an inherent link with an inability to masturbate, but only you can really answer that. I also don’t feel qualified to answer whether your discomfort is related to your anxiety either

I wish I could be more help.. Perhaps my followers could give some useful advice?

I recently found the term aromatic, and I think it applies to me. Ever since i was 16(I'm 20 now)and people started showing interest, I didn't like the idea. It makes me very uncomfortable when people show romantic or sexual interest in me. I do feel sexual attraction to both men and women and like to fantasize about them, but don't want to act on it. I tried having a sexual relationship once but ended it within a week. I wanted to know your opinion, am I aromatic, and could I also be asexual?
Anonymous

If you do experience sexual attraction,anon, then chances are you are not asexual and though many aromantics are uncomfortable with other showing romantic interest, that in itself is not a marker for Aromantism..

With that in mind, regardless of whether you feel sexual attraction, if you have no desire to have a sexual relationship, you are under no obligation to do so :)

Blog Update

Hey everyone!

Sorry if it seems like this blog is inactive. I’ve just been really busy. Please rest assured that I’ll try to begin answering all the asks you have been giving me in the next fourtnight or so when my course is finished :)

mamikyous:

i know sex repulsion is a thing (which i am to a degree)

but is there such a thing as romance repulsion??? cause if there is i am

Yup, it exists. With that said, everybody has a different idea of what romance entails, so in the case of some, to be more specific, they’re repulsed by physical affection, to others it means they feel smothered when someone continually dotes or calls them, etc