Haha sorry about that! For some reason that is what the GIMP program calls the background (I guess they didn’t want to call it marijuana?) But thank you for the clarification, I will go back and re-edit the secret :)
[IMAGE: White text on leaf background]
[TEXT:I wish I knew if I was aro because that’s just who I am or if it’s because of everything I went through when I was younger. ]
[IMAGE: Black text on wooden background.]
[TEXT: I just moved in with my two queerplatonic partners after more than a year apart, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. they’re in a romantic-sexual relationship, intend to get married, and I’m the aromantic-asexual third angle on our trio diabolical. I don’t worry about who has the more profound bond. I have worried about making either of them jealous with my being close to their mate— since I have a talent for stepping on emotional property rights— but so far, those fears seem unjustified. we understand each other. and want to be together. and the relationship anarchist in me swells up with joy when strangers mistake us for a polyamorous triad. lol @ normal ppl udoneven]
[IMAGE: A baby’s hand grasping the finger of an adult hand.]
[TEXT: I want a child someday, but I can’t imagine myself having a spouse.]
I just wish there weren’t so many stigmas attached to that statement.
I definitely believe that there are romantic people who are uninterested in romantic relationships for a plethora of reasons. For example, it is possible to experience romantic attraction, but for whatever reason actually engaging/maintaining a romantic relationship may not be as appealing/not suit your taste.
It is probably similar to somebody experience sexual attraction, but not actually wishing to form a sexual relationship with someone
and if you feel that quirklyalone fits you better, I think you should use it :)
Just letting you know that I have finished all the aro secrets possible. If you have yet to see yours, then it is most likely due to the tumblr system not allowing me to see it in my msg box (so I can’t make a template, apologies about that)
(I have quite a few messages where there doesn’t appear to be anything, if that makes sense, has anybody else experienced this?)
I wanted to put my two cents in and say that, from personal experience, most people who are aromantic and/or asexual probably aren’t sociopaths/psychopaths.
My brother is a sociopath (officially diagnosed) and I am aromantic/asexual. There is truly a world of difference between us. He is cruel to animals and humans (especially when he was younger). He has a wife and multiple children and they are all living off of relatives’ money (in their own house, with new cell phones and all!) Although most people can’t tell when he manipulates people (for pleasure, monetary gain, whatever…) he frequently boasts about it, shows me how he does it. It’s NOT a trait I see frequently. So just because you don’t feel love or empathy or whatever every two seconds, doesn’t mean you’re a sociopath and it’s not a topic that should be taken lightly - which it all too often is. (It angers me that either the word sociopath/psychopath is taken too lightly or it’s made out to be that they are all serial murders)
If you want to discuss further, feel free to contact me!
[Image description: Black text on pink background. “I want to get close to people and have relationships with them. I also want to have sex, but in a biological urge kind of way.
Also, once I get close to people I don’t want to have sex with them anymore; It seems completely disgusting and I wouldn’t want to look them in the eye afterwards. But, I crave that stereotypical “love” feeling, even though I know that I could never belong with somebody…’
I don’t know what to identify as..”]
I wasn’t quite sure whether this was a secret or an ask (possibly both?) But if you have any thoughts, followers, feel free to add.
But, OP, what you describe sounds like a person who experiences primary sexual attraction only (sort of like the opposite of a demisexual?)
I think the only thing you can assume when you meet someone that identifies as an aromantic is the fact that they do not experience romantic attraction. With that said, I can understand what you are saying. I think it’s the same thing with me as well, where oftentimes I find some relationships more appealing than others despite the dynamic/interaction appearing similar. For example, in the case of the Pixar movies? One of dialogues that I still think and remember is the one between Dory and Marlin when she doesn’t want him to leave. Probably not not all that difficult to figure out why. Same story with Tigress and Po (which is why I’m hoping against hope that their relationship doesn’t become romantic)
After some thought, I think the reason why that is is because of the intent behind it. So in your case, possibly the reason why cuddling between parents/kids and siblings resonates more to you because it isn’t romantic?
As for shipping fictional characters, I’m certain many aromantic people do that :) (though, as in real life, I wish ‘relationship’ didn’t have an automantic meaning of romantic relationship as it does)
Thank you for offering your ear, I’m sure it’s appreciated :)
[Image description: Black text on orange background. “I’m actually more terrified to come out as aromantic on Tumblr than to be openly atheist in the Bible Belt, probably because hate on aros and aces pops up on my dash almost every day. Also, because of how I’m heterosexual, I’m afraid to come out in real life because I know - I /KNOW/ - people will either not believe me or attack me (I was legit punched in high school because I’ve never dated anyone). I just kinda feel alone, and wanted to share with somebody/group of somebodies. ”]
I consider myself aromantic. I have absolutely no conscious interest in relationships (or sex or anything…even real friendship). But I have a weird problem of sorts — sometimes, I’ll develop a “crush” on someone, like a girl in a class I’m taking. I feel typical crushy feelings towards this person, sometimes to the extreme that I feel like I “love” the person. But I don’t rationally acknowledge these feelings — like, I’ll feel like I want to talk to a person I have a silly crush on, but I think “no, that’s stupid and pointless” and I suppress those feelings.
It’s not because I’m afraid of rejection or anything. I sincerely do not want to be in a relationship.
I feel like there’s a divide between the rational and emotional parts of my brain.
What would you call me? A “wtfromantic,” perhaps? Have you encountered people with feelings like mine? Any words of advice, in general?
I’m almost certain there are others out there that are in the same situation that you are in. I can definitely understand what you mean when you say that there is a divide between emotion and reason. There have been times where I have attempted to do some introspection with regards to my feelings towards other people and in almost 9/10 of when I do so, I keep reminding myself that regardless of what my feelings may be, the fact remains that I predominantly enjoy my own company, and I have no interest/desire in engaging in behavior that is typically perceived as romantic anyhow (i.e I don’t like kissing, hand holding etc.)
I suppose it will help if you ask yourself why you do not wish to engage in a romantic relationship.
With that said, I don’t believe that suppressing feelings is necessarily a good idea. Just out of curiosity, could the reason that you consider your feelings to be ‘silly’ and your ‘crush’(or whatever it is) as stupid and pointless is because you realize that it will not result in a romantic relationship? Because if so, then I think it would help you if you remember that mainstream society has unfortunately a way of devaluing relationships/behaviour that isn’t perceived to be romantic . Just something to think about
[Image description: Black text on pink background. “
One problem with the term “sociopath” is that it doesn’t have a strict definition—in psychology there is Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and psychopathy, which are two vaguely similar but ultimately different things. (ASPD is diagnosed by behavioral patterns while psychopathy is more of a personality assessment, for one.) Both of them are generally misunderstood and labeled as “sociopathy” by society.
I think the problem is is that media/mainstream culture typically perceives sociopathy as being asocial, which I think, ties into the conflation with aromanticity since there is this perception that since aromantic people commonly don’t desire romantic relationships, they don’t desire relationships at all (which ties into the relationship hierarchy problem and the idea that non-romantic relationships don’t exists/ are unimportant)
I think this is true. (Another thing people don’t seem to realize is that people who suffer from psychopathy can be quite social. One of the factors in the Psychopathy Checklist, Revised is “glibness/superficial charm”. I am not sure if the same can be said for people with ASPD, but I am no expert.)
Another problem is that people seem to be associating aromanticism and asexuality with a lack of empathy (and since that is one diagnostic factor of both ASPD and psychopathy, they automatically associate aromanticism and asexuality with “sociopathy”). These things do not correlate. There are aro and/or ace people with lots of empathy, and there are ones with impaired empathy. The same can be said of people that are neither aro nor ace. In addition, lacking empathy does not automatically mean someone suffers from ASPD or psychopathy. (More importantly, a lack of empathy doesn’t automatically make someone a raging asshole. Empathy has many definitions, but generally people agree that it refers to the ability to understand what other people are feeling. Someone who has difficulty doing this is still capable of being kind and compassionate—it’s just motivated by thoughts rather than feelings. It might be innately harder for someone with impaired empathy to display what is socially accepted as compassion, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get better at it with practice.)
(Uhh so this turned into a long ramble, but I think I had a point in there somewhere.)