Aromantic Secrets

totallyace:

Here’s a blog especially for aromantics! Not necessarily asexual aromantics, but aromantics.

thearomantic.wordpress.com

As a sexy aro myself who was feeling similarly isolated not long ago, I'm happy to talk to anyone who needs advice or help in that regard as well as recommend a few others who helped me feel less alone about it. :)

mondaydontmeananything

Thank you :) , I’m sure there are others who will really appreciate you lending your ear and experience as a sexual aromantic :)

To the anon who got cuddling referred to as sex: Do you go to my college? (FUS) Because seriously at my college if you are a girl (I know, you were a guy) and sit on the same couch as a guy and lean your head on his shoulder, half the campus is already planning your wedding and equates it to sex. It was supper annoying for my guy friend and I. I think by the end of the semester I'd given up with telling people we weren't dating, only our friends actually believed us anyway.

Anonymous

Thank you for your input anon! It must have been really frustrating, but I am glad your friends understood :)

YES! Phoenixnova713, I feel the exact same way!

summer-solas

Does anyone else ever just feel sad because everyone around them says that romantic love is so great, and characters on TV look so sweet together, and then you remember that you can't feel that way because you just aren't capable of it?

marisaandasriel

When it comes to romance as portrayed in media, personally I”m not saddened by it exactly, but that is because romance in media is typically marked by behaviors such as kissing, cuddling, etc, and those are things I have no strong desire to do anyway.

That’s just me though, other people may feel differently.

With that said, I am saddened by the fact that the relationships that I do desire? Their portrayal in media is typically slim to none. Think of so called bromances, but involving female characters? Yeah, I can count such interaction and relationships in media on one hand.

[Image description: Black text on pink background. “I want to get close to people and have relationships with them. I also want to have sex, but in a biological urge kind of way.
Also, once I get close to people I don’t want to have sex with them anymore; It seems completely disgusting and I wouldn’t want to look them in the eye afterwards. But, I crave that stereotypical “love” feeling, even though I know that I could never belong with somebody…’

I don’t know what to identify as..”]

I wasn’t quite sure whether this was a secret or an ask (possibly both?) But if you have any thoughts, followers, feel free to add.

But, OP, what you describe sounds like a person who experiences primary sexual attraction only (sort of like the opposite of a demisexual?)

whoever submitted the second to last secret clearly has no understanding of what a sociopath is... sociopathy normally manifests itself in a lack of social values or conscience, compulsive lying and a disregard for others. how would aromanticity or asexuality result in that?

Anonymous

To anon: I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t have a full understanding of sociopathy, but I think the problem is is that media/mainstream culture typically perceives sociopathy as being asocial, which I think, ties into the conflation with aromanticity since there is this perception that since aromantic people commonly don’t desire romantic relationships, they don’t desire relationships at all (which ties into the relationship hierarchy problem and the idea that non-romantic relationships don’t exists/ are unimportant)

What do other people think?

[Image description: Black text on yellow background. “The idea of romantic love is just unfathomable to me. I love my friends, I love my family, but I have never romantically loved someone. I dont feel like I ever can or will. I dont even want too.

But Im scared because I do want platonic relationships and I just dont know how people would take me telling them that I will never love them the way they love me.”]

[Image description: white text on a purple background. “I had to get a psych eval. One of the questions I was asked was my orientation: homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or questioning. I have never been more ashamed of who I am.”]

It was an electronic form, too, so I couldn’t even explain.

Hello, my mother happens to have this marvelous best friend of hers that i have known my whole life and I am very convinced that she's aromantic. She has made it very clear that the idea of love and romantic relationships is not something she could ever feel comfortable committing to, but she is very sexually active (let's just say sex is her favourite hobby). Considering how I'm Pansexual I thought I should ask some people if they would label her as aromantic before i sudgest the idea to her

that-bishie-lambcelot

Hmm.. Interesting. I can certainly understand why you would think of her as aromantic, but then again, the definition of being aromantic is more about romantic attraction as opposed to how you view romantic relationships. And of course, being an identity it is really up to her as to whether or not it fits her.

I guess, for me, the question lies in why she does not feel comfortable committing to romantic relationships in the first place? It could be very well that, simply put, it’s due to the feelings not being there (and again, if she doesn’t feel romantic attraction to people, then my guess would be that she is aromantic). But it could also be that she (and very likely many other people) finds the current conception of Western romantic relationships restrictive/etc. For example, she could be touch adverse?

Other people’s opinions welcome :)

I'm aromantic and queerplatonic... but im scared of being alone all my life and being queerplatonic, what if no one wants to have a relationship like that??? thoughts?

Anonymous

Anon, You’re not alone :) I’m pretty certain that there others out there that want to have the same relationship as you do. There have been many tumblr posts concerning queerplatonic relationships (Have you checked out fyeahqueerplatonic zucchinis?

There is also a blog called Queerplatonic match which was created for people desiring a QP partner too :)

[Image: Dark green text on black and white gradient background. Text: “The only thing I dislike about being aro is knowing that I will always be the third wheel”]

[Image Description:Black text on rainbow gradient, background. Text:

I’m a 17 year old asexual who has realized that she is most likely aromantic. Which I’m fine with, I only enjoy the emotional closeness and cuddling/kissing/all that couple stuff. I know that I can have that with a zucchini.

But, I have a squish for one of my tumblr friends, which is fine and good. He’s wonderful. He makes me laugh and He’s told me he’d do all the cuddling that I crave for, great. But, he lives in Michigan.

And if we ever bridge the gap between us, I’d cry tears of joy. And if we became queerplatonic, I’d be the happiest girl in the world.

But, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that he’d leave me for a romantic relationship. That fear would prevent me from starting anything with him and it saddens me.

It saddens me because I know he’d be the best zucchini an aro ace like me could have.”]

pictured = a closeup of two hands clasped.

text = for me, aromantic doesn’t mean i don’t want that kind of relationship. it means i will never feel love that way, and i refuse to lie about it. i feel like the only aro who wants that kind of relationship, and the only aro who feels lacking in their ability to love.

[IMAGE: A woman wearing a strapless wedding dress]
[TEXT: It sounds silly, the hardest part of coming to terms with my aromanticism was accepting that I will never have a wedding.

I wish I could have a platonic marriage.]

I’ve been planning my wedding since I was a little girl, and it hurts to think that I will never get to experience it, that I will never get to put any of these plans in motion. I can’t even use my plans for any of my friends weddings, because a lot of it was symbolic and wouldn’t really apply to anyone else.

Maybe it will get easier someday, but right now it makes me want to cry.