Quite a conundrum..Hmm.. I think it may help you to ask yourself the reason why you don’t want to be aromantic/want romantic relationships.. is it because these relationships are more valued by society than those deemed platonic? If so it would help if you tried to shift this mindset.

It may be that you happen to develop the feelings differently or it may take longer. Even if you don’t however, don’t think that that will render you incapable of the relationship you want, or fear that it will result in you ending up ‘alone’. 

But fellow followers, do you have any other advice to offer?

True, there are not many resources for those who identify as aromantic, but not asexual.. There are a few places though, here is a link to a Sexual aromantics blog, for example

As for your question, well, the answer to that will depend on the person you are asking. From my browsing on the internet, there are definitely those who are able to distinguish from romantic attraction/romantic feelings to those that are platonic (or non-romantic). Here are a few links to some forum threads which may be useful

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/81439-what-is-the-difference-between-romantic-and-platonic-love/

http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/75919-can-platonic-love-be-just-as-powerful-as-romantic-love/

http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/73946-platonic-and-romantic-love/

http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/69053-platonic-love-vs-romantic-love/

http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/30976-whats-your-ideas-about-platonic-love/

and how does it exactly feel different? Again, people have different experiences on that too

Others though, are of the mind set that love is love regardless, and don’t believe or bother with the distinction between romantic and platonic

this isn’t really a secret but it might be of interest. i just made an aromantic group on facebook bc i couldn’t find any really. http://www.facebook.com/groups/aromantictalk/

Much appreciated! :)

[IMAGE: Black text on yellow/orange background]
[TEXT:I have a few really awesome friends, but I wish I had just one who would always be there. Everyone seems so far away, even though the distance between us is not so great. People are busy, or they have other friend groups… Even my best friend of six years is nearly impossible to see or talk to. It’s like I’m not interesting now my health stops me from going out. I sometimes feel like I could put up with the discomfort of a relationship just to have someone who’s there no matter what.]

That is quite a problem.. and there are several things I would like to say about this

1. I realise that this may be difficult, but please, please, please DO NOT feel guilty or bad for being you.

I know it hurts to see someone you care about in pain, but nobody will benefit if nobody is being honest and true to themself. Especially if he is of the opinion that you will change “when you meet the right one(TM). This is something that I don’t feel is stressed often enough, but have you heard people say that you never owe anybody sex? Well, you don’t owe anybody affection, physical or otherwise, or anything romantic either.

I don’t care who or how good/nice that person is. You never owe anybody YOU.

2. This may be slightly tangential, but this is something that has always bothered me: I’ve never liked the fact that (as far as the western conception of romance is concerned, anyway) that a romantic rejection = you’re not good enough. What does this imply? That a person’s value and self worth is dependent upon other people, and in my opinion, that is incredibly problematic. 

Both men and women get this. A man’s worth and self value is often dependent upon how many people they have romanced/slept with, and a woman’s value and self worth is often dependent upon  their desirability to be romanced/slept with.

Has he told you explicitly that he believes that he isn’t ‘good enough?’ Because if I were in your position, I would try to make it clear that it wasn’t about him. Of course, it’s your call to make here, and it may be better to be tactful so he understands.

Unfortunately, I don’t believe that it will be easy to go back to where you were. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was going through the stages of grieving, so he may want some space. What I do think is important, though, is to keep the line of communication open, so at the very least, both of you are clear on what you want, and what type of relationship you still want

If any followers have any other advice/suggestions, please respond and comment :)

[IMAGE: Black text on wooden background.]
[TEXT: I just moved in with my two queerplatonic partners after more than a year apart, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. they’re in a romantic-sexual relationship, intend to get married, and I’m the aromantic-asexual third angle on our trio diabolical. I don’t worry about who has the more profound bond. I have worried about making either of them jealous with my being close to their mate— since I have a talent for stepping on emotional property rights— but so far, those fears seem unjustified. we understand each other. and want to be together. and the relationship anarchist in me swells up with joy when strangers mistake us for a polyamorous triad. lol @ normal ppl udoneven]

I wanted to put my two cents in and say that, from personal experience, most people who are aromantic and/or asexual probably aren’t sociopaths/psychopaths. 

My brother is a sociopath (officially diagnosed) and I am aromantic/asexual. There is truly a world of difference between us. He is cruel to animals and humans (especially when he was younger). He has a wife and multiple children and they are all living off of relatives’ money (in their own house, with new cell phones and all!) Although most people can’t tell when he manipulates people (for pleasure, monetary gain, whatever…) he frequently boasts about it, shows me how he does it. It’s NOT a trait I see frequently. So just because you don’t feel love or empathy or whatever every two seconds, doesn’t mean you’re a sociopath and it’s not a topic that should be taken lightly - which it all too often is. (It angers me that either the word sociopath/psychopath is taken too lightly or it’s made out to be that they are all serial murders) 

If you want to discuss further, feel free to contact me!

[Image description: Black text on pink background. “

One problem with the term “sociopath” is that it doesn’t have a strict definition—in psychology there is Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and psychopathy, which are two vaguely similar but ultimately different things. (ASPD is diagnosed by behavioral patterns while psychopathy is more of a personality assessment, for one.) Both of them are generally misunderstood and labeled as “sociopathy” by society.

 I think the problem is is that media/mainstream culture typically perceives sociopathy as being asocial, which I think, ties into the conflation with aromanticity since there is this perception that since aromantic people commonly don’t desire romantic relationships, they don’t desire relationships at all (which ties into the relationship hierarchy problem and the idea that non-romantic relationships don’t exists/ are unimportant)

I think this is true. (Another thing people don’t seem to realize is that people who suffer from psychopathy can be quite social. One of the factors in the Psychopathy Checklist, Revised is “glibness/superficial charm”. I am not sure if the same can be said for people with ASPD, but I am no expert.)

Another problem is that people seem to be associating aromanticism and asexuality with a lack of empathy (and since that is one diagnostic factor of both ASPD and psychopathy, they automatically associate aromanticism and asexuality with “sociopathy”). These things do not correlate. There are aro and/or ace people with lots of empathy, and there are ones with impaired empathy. The same can be said of people that are neither aro nor ace. In addition, lacking empathy does not automatically mean someone suffers from ASPD or psychopathy. (More importantly, a lack of empathy doesn’t automatically make someone a raging asshole. Empathy has many definitions, but generally people agree that it refers to the ability to understand what other people are feeling. Someone who has difficulty doing this is still capable of being kind and compassionate—it’s just motivated by thoughts rather than feelings. It might be innately harder for someone with impaired empathy to display what is socially accepted as compassion, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get better at it with practice.)

(Uhh so this turned into a long ramble, but I think I had a point in there somewhere.)

[Image description: white text on a purple background. “I had to get a psych eval. One of the questions I was asked was my orientation: homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or questioning. I have never been more ashamed of who I am.”]

It was an electronic form, too, so I couldn’t even explain.

Anon, You’re not alone :) I’m pretty certain that there others out there that want to have the same relationship as you do. There have been many tumblr posts concerning queerplatonic relationships (Have you checked out fyeahqueerplatonic zucchinis?

There is also a blog called Queerplatonic match which was created for people desiring a QP partner too :)

[Image: Dark green text on black and white gradient background. Text: “The only thing I dislike about being aro is knowing that I will always be the third wheel”]

[I’m aro and I’ve recently gotten into a platonic “thing” with a friend of mine (I think)

I’m afraid to talk about it with her because I feel like quantifying it would just be proving the “you just haven’t found the right one yet” people right. (I’ve always been very anti-relationship)

(I feel stupid for being more concerned about this than the actual possibility that I’ve just misread her intents)